11 things I learned while pregnant with my 3rd. An experiment during a pandemic.
Prioritizing your well-being works.
The value here is prioritizing your needs as a working mom so that you are showing up as the best version of yourself. Most cannot experience this yet as we are so conditioned as a culture to be human givers for our families, work, and everyone else. If you start and end the day with you and create a habit of prioritizing this, you will see change in leaps and bounds.
You can have a good overall pregnancy when you make lifestyle changes including eliminating stress and overwhelm.
I have had two pregnancies, both relatively smooth but the two previous ones I experienced depression, anxiety, insomnia and my second also came five weeks early. I am now in my late 30’s with my third and I made an intentional decision to create a much different experience for myself, committing to truly taking care or my wellbeing for myself and the baby and the outcomes are already proving to be much better. While every person is not in the same circumstances to do this, a little also can go along way with boundaries and making this commitment. All my numbers and tests are coming back very stable, I am sleeping, and I am not taking medication. Lifestyle changes has been a game changer for me this pregnancy.
I have not needed or thought about medication.
I have been in consistent therapy over these months. I have done acupuncture since the beginning and also shifted my work schedule and outsourced household tasks. I am calling in more help and support for myself and our family.
I work about 20-25 hrs a week. I don’t log on at night.
I am prioritizing rest and sleep. Most people in our culture do not prioritize sleep as a functionality to support their daily living. This has been huge for me. While some weeks our family doesn’t get consistent sleep because our other two children wake for various reasons, it’s the commitment to the “long game” or rest and sleep for better outcomes in myself and my pregnancy. I commit to not having my brain crunch information at night.
I have created daily habits that have accumulated into sustainable wins.
While every week may look a bit different, I try to walk a few times a week outside for 30-40 minutes. I also have incorporated 10-15 minutes of prenatal stretching for my lower back. These are small pockets of time to support my wellbeing. While I know for many women work stress can take a toll but much of these were mindset shifts to put well-being at the top of the list so that the other parts of my life function more smoothly.
My kids are happier because I’m happier.
I remember so well being completely and utterly exhausted at bedtime for my kids. I could hardly look at the words of a book and was resentful because I was not taking care of myself while working full time and getting to bedtime felt incredibly challenging and difficult. This is no surprise for a lot of working parents. When we adjusted our “family bandwidth”, we now have a buffer which allows both my husband and I to work together on caretaking without being maxed out with both partners working very full time schedules and taxing commutes and jobs.
My relationship is much better since I’ve fully committed to well-being and myself.
This one took some time for me to get to as I needed to physically, emotionally and spiritually recover and build myself back up after two postpartum periods. I was depleted and severely burned out. When I began to get stronger, then I started to move into this category. Our marriage is continuing to grow through the stages because I am fully committed to my wellbeing and support for myself and family.
Turns out that burnout, stress and overwhelm can consume you for a long time until you choose to get off hamster wheel.
It’s not uncommon for many women to not have a compass or indication of when this begins or ends. Our society and culture has moved into such a season of full time schedules, work and productivity that burnout is a standard in the workplace and unless the individual takes the reigns for themselves, many working families find themselves in the throws of caretaking with little support and confidence to find a better solution to sustainability. Having now landed on the other side, I see how my work and our schedules impacted much of our stress and overwhelm for many years.
I started my business in a pandemic and while there have been many unknowns and out of comfort zone parts of my journey, I’ve connected to my calling and something larger than me. It’s nourishing.
Sometimes a job or a role serves its purpose for a period of time and then life changes. Kids. Aging parents. Career goals or aspirations. Sickness or other reasons. When you truly connect to your own inner wisdom and path for what is right for you at the stage of your journey, you will show up differently and be connected in a different way. This has been true for me starting a business that I’m passionate and connected to at this stage of my life.
10. I no longer don’t feel enough. I don’t hide and I’m fully showing up in all my parts of me. The pandemic revealed so much about the two separate lives I lived.
We have now been into this pandemic for 18+ months and I can confidently say that it has led me to much growth but also more authenticity. I no longer am available to be a split person, the “work” me and then the “personal” me. It took me a long time to get there but being a working mom and someone that truly empathizes the mental load and responsibility of caring for a young family, we all have to choose paths that align best for us and our families.
11. Intentionally choosing how you want to craft your life has more to do with what we are conditioned to “believe” and less about if we can get there.
No one is going to save you. When I was in a tough spot through those postpartum years, I wanted to be saved. I wanted to get out of the rat race I was in. It was a dark period. Our growth and best versions of ourselves come from truly listening to our own calling and our path that lights us up. Don’t dim your light and keep thinking about how you want to craft your life to thrive. It doesn’t have to be complicated. It doesn’t have to be what your family or friends think you should do. It comes from within.
So while I’ve now had 9+ years of observing, living in childbearing years and being in the moment of being a working parent, it’s a gift to reflect in “real time” the experience, but I also will share, you can intentionally make the change. Just begin.
I’m passionate about helping working moms find the sustainable formula and the mix that suits them personally and professionally. We all arrive there from our lens and it’s unique to you.
I hope some of these learnings land with you and reach out if I can support you on your working mom journey!
