My furlough has been extended

Life has its seasons. There’s an ebb and flow. Some seasons “feel” better than others and somehow we all manage to get to our next thing, our next goal, our next step. Sometimes it feels like some seasons are harder to get through, we may be in an emotional battle with ourselves. We may be tired. We may be grieving. We may be trying to let go. We may be attached to something. We may be weary. We may not know how to cope. We may be conditioned to old patterns. And in that process, we do find light. Light to show a new pathway. A new way to live. A new way to breathe. Since March and the pandemic has hit home for all of us in a big personal and professional way, I can’t help to think about what I’ve learned, what I’m grateful for and how I have grown through these past months. When I was first furloughed in May, without a question, I knew life was not going to be the same, easy, or “routine” in any way but I also saw it as a big invitation and opportunity to replenish my tank, pause, and reset the way our lives had been existing before. I found out on August 17th that my furlough would be extended until December 31, 2020. So much uncertainty about my role, the health of the institution and what comes next, I put my focus into my family over these past several months and taking care of myself. I didn’t focus on the ground that may not have felt stable or certain. I kept myself grounded and kept myself focused on my own goals and priorities. I decided to tackle several areas of my life that needed to be “cleaned” up or looked at while on this pause. So as we approach the tail end of summer and what looks like a very different fall season we are heading into, I’d like to share a few things I’ve learned and am grateful for. I feel incredibly grateful that I got to spend this quality time and moments with my kids that I so desired for years, the space to see them, raw and just themselves. Of course these times have been challenging and not easy on them either, but we went through it together. We moved through the tough emotions, the weird feelings, the uncomfortable spaces with people, the distance, and the worries. The worries about health, family, and how we will go forward. And we still don’t know so much going into this season. But I got to witness and immerse myself in family and I wouldn’t change a thing. I learned about compassionate listening and communication with love. The information we’ve received and conceptualized has been complicated and not linear or logical…so much we are interpreting from our own backgrounds and comfort zones, that there’s something to be said for just “being”, just being with your loved ones. Holding space for them. Just being still. Not doing anything, not engaging, just letting the feelings come and go. I also participated in what I call radical self care. My tank had been running pretty low pre-covid and I needed some major steps to put things back in order emotionally, physically and spiritually and I made a commitment to do so at the beginning of the summer and I can share that since March, I have up leveled and replenished many parts that needed attention. Spending 24/7 with your partner and your kids is a unique, special and intense moment that I would never change but it also forced me to take a good look at many parts of our “daily” living without being able to escape. Talk about having to pretty much have direct feedback and an on-going performance review all day long and everyday. It actually felt like we were both working on the hard stuff as it came in and tried to resolve or at least “chip away” at things to work things out together. For some, it may have been the opposite experience but I very much committed and want to thrive, so I let go of the nagging or things that aren’t so important about the house and tried to “adopt” the attitude of we’re all just doing the best we can and it’s a “all hands” on deck approach right now. And we both have to communicate our needs clearly and do what each person needs to re-fuel and take care of each other. This is like an ultra marathon. We can choose to react to things coming at us or we can choose to empower ourselves to make good health choices and good choices that will propel our family to move forward with proper supports. So here we are at the end of August and I can share, I feel pretty good. Many are reeling and still laced with so much anxiety over the past several months too. I could take that stance. I could sit and be worried about my finances, my furlough, the “what ifs”, but I’ve chosen the path of TRUSTING. I’ve chosen a path that I feel all is working out for me and it’s my time to adjust, be flexible and enter this new season authentically and in my power. There is a divine order and my time is coming. I feel vibrant, energetic and ready to take on my next opportunity. In fact it’s like a gift. All the internal closets that I’ve worked on these past several months are feeling more aligned. Physical (committing to a yoga practice and EFT tapping in the morning and weekly acupuncture). Spiritual (Time in nature/meditation/outdoors) Creativity I created this blog and so enjoyed using writing as a medium to channel my thoughts and reflections. (creative side). Financial health (re-financing our home). Relationships (Continuing to nurture and work through each relationship that needs attention). Self Development (exploring things that bring me joy). Networking (discovering and learning about what is next). Self care (carving time to rest, find activities of joy, and read). Nourishment of foods, this summer I’ve enjoyed fresh fruits and vegetables and simple meals that make me feel good. Grateful Tank And creating a grateful tank of those along the way that have supported and assisted in my path. I have surrounded myself with a circle of spirit lifters and those I trust to help me.

So those are the things I’m grateful for and the things I’ve wanted to leave behind are control and “push” or hamster wheel life from pre-covid. August always seems to take on that “flurry” of anxious families and energy around getting back into the rat race of school supplies, running around, and going at a pace that I don’t think many enjoy, yet they seem to follow unknowingly. As I see the next few weeks a time where many are preparing for “back to school” in some way shape or form, I don’t want to run anymore. I’d like to intend to “be”. I’d like to move a bit slower, but with intention. I’d like to take on a pace that feels right for our family. I’d like to continue to nurture and foster the wellness, joy, gratitude and outlets that have made me a better wife, mom, daughter, friend and employee. This new season we are entering is about this. And intention to “live”, not to drain ourselves. Let us begin this journey together. One step at a time. One awareness step at a time. Many will be on the path to help us forget and go back to old conditioning. We will find our way back if we are thoughtful and kind to ourselves. Building a full life can be beautiful. It can be simple. It can be a treasure. It can be filled with love and hope. It can be the light. It can be the shadow. It can be highs and lows. It can be joy and tears. It can be all of that. We don’t have to stuff the uncomfortable parts ourselves and never look at them. There’s room to accept those parts. There’s room to “be” with them. It’s all part of our human existence. And we will continue to learn more and find that we all have the opportunity to return to the path that feels best, and that path is home.